Question: Why do certain situations make young professionals feel less sure of themselves? What can they do about it?

Response: I’m going to address this question at large and speak to negative talk as a particularly important situation that undermines confidence, a specific point of interest identified by respondents in the participant survey. Please do ask questions if what I am saying does not make sense and we can make this blog post interactive. (Feel free to email me at kwdennett@hotmail.com or call (802) 363-4131 if you have questions or comments).

Coming back to the question at hand. The way I would think about or approach this question, from my clinical background of depth psychology or psychodynamic orientation, is three-fold. (I was told to say there are always three reasons… a moot court joke I believe.)

The first point to consideration: Identifying patterns or themes internally.

When you think about the situations that are particularly difficult for you, is there a theme or several themes? Is there a certain type of scenario that you individually find particularly difficult? If you can identify this, then start to explore this idea. Has this type of situation always been difficult? Does it remind you of anything, perhaps another time in your life?

Also identify or think about the negative talk. Does this voice or voices remind you of anyone in your life—an ex, sibling, caregiver or parent for example? If yes, you now have a relationship that you can explore in your mind that you are carrying around with you and may be repeating in new situations.

Identifying your specific, unique, and idiosyncratic ways of interacting with these situations and your internal experiences that come up during these situations is the first step. This will allow you to start bringing into your awareness the elements you are carrying every day. These elements are internal and we often don’t notice them because they have been a part of our internal structure our entire lives. Our experiences and relationships shape who we are—thoughts, behaviors, emotions.

The second way to think about this question/issue: Behaviors and ways of being.

As you explore the way you approach things (think about behaviors or ways of being such as having anxiety or negative self-talk) think about how these behavior(s) may have been beneficial or adaptive at one point in your life. I believe that all our behaviors were at one time beneficial in one way or another. And these behaviors, while now not helpful or maladaptive, may still provide some benefits that we are holding on to... Anxiety is stressful and keeps you working too hard, but give it up and now there is the stress and anxiety associated with new worries that you might not be prepared to deal with. Sometimes we stick with the familiar (even if it’s not really working) because the new is unknown (and this is inherently anxiety provoking or overwhelming).

So, the first two points are about understanding yourself—behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. This is a very brief rundown but a way to start thinking about these complex ideas and how they tie into your unique sense of self. 

The third point: What can you do in addition to understanding yourself in more depth?
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Most of you have heard about affirmations, so let’s explore this in a bit more depth. There are two sides to this concept and skill. Some researchers from Carnegie Mellon (Creswell, Dutcher, Klein, Harris & Levine, 2013) have found affirmations will mitigate the effects of stress on problem solving. Interestingly, these affirmations were not self-affirmations. Instead participants wrote about why they valued some aspect or interest in their lives. Researchers found participants’ problem-solving skills increased compared to a control group.  Why does this work? Possibly these individuals are reconnecting with their intrinsic interests and sense of self, which allows them to feel more confident and clear minded moving forward.

But we need to take affirmations, especially self-affirmations with a grain of salt. Researchers in Canada (Wood, Perunovic & Lee, 2009) found self-affirmations were somewhat helpful in increasing self-esteem in people who already had good self-esteem. So, what about those with low self-esteem? They, in fact, suffered from the self-affirmation technique. What’s the thought here? Perhaps the distance between the affirmation and self-perception was too big and the pervious self-perception was instead reinforced. Paradoxically, it can be very helpful to have your negative thoughts validated.

Kathryn Dennett Carpenter MAT, LCSW has a background in psychology and art. She conducted 3.5 years of Alzheimer's research with a team at the University of Utah and has published on the aging process. She received a master of arts in teaching and a master of social work. Having worked with the life span (children and elderly), she currently works as an LCSW doing psychotherapy in private practice for adults, and as a adjunct faculty member in the psychology department at Westminster College teaching personality theories and abnormal psychology. She is a member of the National Association of Social Workers and the International Psychotherapy Institute, which promotes a depth psychotherapy approach. You can find more information about her clinical work at  https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Kathryn_Dennett_Carpenter_MAT,LCSW_Salt+Lake+City_Utah_198339.

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